You may of heard the news of the discovery of time crystals, these are crystals that have a repeating structure in time as well as in space. This makes them significantly different to regular crystals which have a repeating structure in the three spatial dimensions but not in the forth dimension – time. This means that these crystals have movement in their zero energy ground state, they oscillate. In standard crystals this is not possible as there is equilibrium in the ground state and so energy expense would be required to create oscillation, but time crystals are non-equilibrium matter, a new form of matter.

In the face of researchers reporting how to create and measure these crystals, what possible applications could these time crystals see? Perhaps the discovery could help our understanding of quantum properties, and hence help in the field of quantum computing, in particular the problem of quantum memory. But no, I have seen this before…

In the face of this discovery we need to start preparing our defences, steady our shores, save our best and brightest and prepare for the Timesplitters.

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Prophetic video game series Timesplitters had a core concept of time crystals which are used in order to travel through time and cause mischief. In the Timesplitters 2 the crystals are used by the bad guy Timesplitters in order to attempt to destroy humanity. Cortez is charged with tracking down these crystals to stop mankind being being no more.

In Timesplitters: Future Perfect, time crystals are used for two different reasons. Firstly, humanity steals the Timesplitters master plan and uses the crystals to attempt to destroy the eponymous bad guys. Secondly, other bad guy, Jacob Crow, tries to find immortality through the crystals. We are also taught that the time crystals can be mined for on a Scottish Island.

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So, seeing the damage these time crystals could do, our only hope appears to be to find this Scottish island, mine the crystals before the true potential of the crystals are realized, go back in time, stop the research, and then place bets in the past like in Back to the Future Part 2 to become filthy filthy rich.

We begin by looking at the island.

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It’s ermmmm, distinctive… there can’t be many islands with just a castle on so that is where we will begin. Since Scotland loves castles on islands there are a few candidates but I believe the closest is the below, the Duart Castle on the Isle of Mull.

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Now, Isle of Mull is pretty far away from me, and would require over ten hours of driving and a ferry trip to get there, so instead of commuting there and mining, I will need to buy the castle outright, and then apply for some kind of mining license. Since there is no market listing for Duart Castle I have found similar 13th century castles sell for around five-million pounds, which is slightly out of my budget. So that’s it, we are all doomed. Our only hope now is that the Timesplitters franchise isn’t gospel, but since it is, I for one welcome our new history erasing alien overlords.

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